What Being A High Schooler in 2021 really looks like
I’m in the 10th grade, attending a (usually) alternative school where I spend half my time on campus, with other students near my age, and the other half in the safety and comfort of my home, where I complete homework assigned on a Monday and due that Friday. Due to COVID-19, my school completely shut down, leaving us students confused as to when we would see our doors open again. As of right now, they will not open until at least the fourth quarter of our schooling this year, making my sophomore year almost 75% online. But, unfortunately, for me, I get anxious at the thought of going back to school, and won’t go back until I’m vaccinated. What this means for me is that I will not be going back to school in the fourth quarter, even if I’m given a choice. 100% of my sophomore year of high school will be completely online. I haven’t met the new students. All those freshmen who don’t even know what the classrooms look like, yeah, I’ve never met them. By the time we’re all back to school, they will no longer be freshmen. They will be sophomores, like I am now.
When we shut down, I remember thinking, “this will just be a few weeks.” Two weeks, that’s not bad! I could get my closet cleaned and read that book that’s been sitting on my desk for over two months. Yes! It’s not that bad. What I didn’t plan for was 12 months of being locked in my house, not sure when I would be able to see the faces of my friends again. I can report that I finished the book, along with 63 others, and I now live in an entirely different house with a different closet.
After a few months, I realized that it might be a bit before I enter a school building again. As an introvert, this wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. As someone who struggles with anxiety, it wasn’t a good thing. I was worried constantly, always needing something to keep my brain busy. If that meant taking a walk right after lunch, even if I knew that it might make me a little nauseous, then I did that. It would let my mind take a break.
I got an email from my school on March 12th, 2020, that our prom would be cancelled due to this virus that had been making its way around the world. It had recently been spotted in The United States, and made its way over to Nevada. There were only about 11 cases that day. That seemed insane. There were already 11 too many cases for my nerves to settle. I texted all my friends. “Did you get that email!? Prom is cancelled!” We were all shocked. I mean, it’s just a mutation of the common winter flu, yeah? No. That’s what we thought, we all thought that.I emailed my teachers. I needed to know if there would still be extracurriculars that next day on Friday the 13th of March in 2020. Surely enough, it was still being offered. I knew they would eventually close the schools. I didn’t know what that meant to me. I didn’t know it would change me like it did.
I went. I took things for granted, that’s for sure. We spent that day taking down the decorations for prom. It was bitter sweet. I kept thinking about how much it was going to suck when we would have to come back and put these all back up because they decided that prom could still happen because the virus wasn’t all that bad in the end. Expect that day never came. I’ve heard different people tell their stories from having to close down schools and make things open in their homes, and yeah, that’s cool. We were able to completely change our lives in a short period of time.
As I’m closer and closer to entering my junior year of high school, I can’t help but look back at all that I’ve done in my sophomore year. Despite a global pandemic, I have been able to keep my grades at a good percentage. I can report that they aren’t as high as they were when we were in person, but I was still able to make it on the A/B Honor Roll at my school. I think that’s a big accomplishment.
One thing that deeply affects me is opening social media up. The first thing I see is smiling faces staring back at my face. Yeah, that’s good. I can still see what my friends and family are up to, even though we can’t be together. But I also see people gathering, despite the mandates to stay home and keep us safe. That makes my spine sink and my teeth bite down. I haven’t seen some of my friends in over 12 months. For a teenager, that’s a long time. Right before the pandemic, I was seeing my friends at least once, but most of the time twice a week. I have never been the most social person, and it’s been hard for me to put myself out there. This pandemic made it worse. It’s so hard for me to pick up my phone, click into my contacts, and hit the call button for any one of my friends, who I know would answer and listen to how I’m feeling. But why is it so hard for me to do that?
Here’s the answer.
Since the pandemic, I got new glasses. Before you ask how that answers the question I stated, let me finish. Before the pandemic, getting new glasses still would’ve happened. I mean, I need to be able to see. But this time I got a blue light filter. I wouldn’t have gotten that if I wasn’t spending so much time on screens. Normally, it would be balanced. Now, if I want to talk to a friend, it’s done through text bubbles and a comment on a post.
I’m lucky; I don’t have to spend everyday over Google Meets and Zoom because my school doesn’t function that way. It’s optional. And I’ve never had the need to go, so I don’t. I still spend at least 4-8 hours on my computer, Monday-Friday. My mind sometimes feels like mush and it feels like it might explode if I look at a computer screen for any extra time. I go to Zoom Sunday School once a week, and a Leadership Team Meeting once a week. Sometimes I have events and things after the meetings or Sunday School, and for those days, I mentally prepare myself. I have to socially charge up before I can go into a Zoom meeting and not fall apart in front of 10 other people.
By the time my school work and socializing time is over, I have spent almost all day glued to a screen. All I want to do is go to bed. But then I remember that I have enjoyment in screen time, like television and social media. I’ll spend another 2 hours watching TV and scrolling through social media (which is a habit of mine that I would like to break).
I no longer go on walks everyday after lunch; I don’t have the motivation. I think I’ll get back into going on walks, but not right now. I don’t feel like doing that. I have so many days where I just get upset. Upset because I can’t see my friends. Because I’m not allowed to do whatever I want. Because I actually follow the rules and stay home and wear a mask. Because I want to be able to hug people. Because I want to go to school dances. Because I want to eat out. Because I want to read a book in a coffee shop. Because I want to get my first job. Because I want to make new friends.
But I also can’t sit here and act like things were 100% okay before the pandemic. We all had our issues. I still wonder how long it will be until I’m able to go back onto school property. I don’t see it happening soon. But until then I’ve dedicated myself to my safety, which means, yes, I will continue to wear a mask wherever I go until I’m told it’s safe and I don’t have to wear one anymore. I might still after that.
Next time you ask a teenager why it’s so hard for them right now, think about it. We’re going through a never-seen-before global pandemic where social media is so relevant. All of (at least my) socialization is online, and if it’s in-person, there are masks and distance, along with risk of getting sick. For me, that risk is not worth it.
This isn’t supposed to make you sad and pitiful of the teenagers of this generation. I just want to give glances into what us, youth, feel right now. How we have to go through so much just to feel a little bit like we’re having a normal teenage experience.
For people who don’t know how to talk to youth about how they feel, I will put some resources below. You can find resources from The Trevor Project, for how to talk to youth about sexuality and gender, along with suicide prevention. If you are a youth and you feel like you’re contemplating suicide, please talk with someone at The Trevor Project. You are not alone. If you can, please donate to The Trevor Project so they can keep doing what they do. You can find resources from LOVELOUD Foundation. LOVELOUD brings money to foundations that give to LGBTQ youth, especially if they are being kicked out of their house. It also raises awareness of suicide prevention to the LGBTQ community. Please donate if you can. I’ll also leave a link to an article that I found for parents of teens who struggle with mental illnesses. Please take a few minutes to read that and then try to have the conversation with your friends, or if you are a parent, have this conversation with your children or youth. If you start the conversation at a young age, it can help when the child or teen is older.
Additionally, I would like to remind you to be careful with the words and conversations you have with your friends and children right now. I’m not an expert but I do know that if I was harshly talked to at this time, I would break down. Be kind and supportive.
Resource Links:
The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
LOVELOUD Foundation: https://loveloudfest.com/foundation
Mental Health Article: https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2017/06/5-tips-talking-teenager/
About the Author:
SaraJane Devereaux is a 16-year-old writer from Las Vegas, Nevada. SaraJane has been published in Issues 3-6 of Ice Lolly Review, Issue 1 of Blue Things Zine, and the first edition of Feed Us With Words. SaraJane loves spending time with her cattle dog, Luna.
